A Change of Heart

This will be a post in which I wax philosophic... Feel free to skip ahead! But I want to take a moment and say, "God is good!" I wasn't thinking that almost eight months ago.

On August 16, 2007 I sat in my mother-in-law's guest bathroom waiting for a minus sign to appear on the little stick I had just peed on. To my utter shock, it was the biggest, brightest positive I have ever seen! In a completely honest moment, my first reacation was... oh, crap... I did not want to be pregnant. I was not expecting to be pregnant. In fact, I took the pregnancy test just so I'd stop wondering if I might be... There were a lot of reasons I could have been late... But not so! I was pregnant!! And not happy. I did not want to tell Patrick (not that he was blameless in this whole episode!). It just was not good timing for us. Caleb was only eight months old. I'd just stopped nursing and was finally getting my body back. We'd spent two ski seasons in Colorado. The first of which I was pregnant with Caleb and the second of which I was recovering from giving birth to Caleb. And now I was going to miss season three! My dad had just been diagnosed with cancer and we were planning an extended stay near him and my mom in Idaho. We were planning a long get away for our 7th anniversary to our honeymoon spot. Now, when we looked at the timing of that, we'd have a three week old at our anniversary - not exactly time for a romantic four or five days away!

I didn't want to tell anyone I was pregnant. Patrick thought it was joyful news, but he respected that I wasn't ready so there were quite a few people that didn't find out for some time. I wanted to be happy when I told people we were expecting. There were several mornings I woke up and my first thought was, "oh, I'm pregnant" and my heart would sink. But I finally put my finger on why I was so upset. I didn't want another Hope Baby. The circumstances of finding out about this pregnancy were too similar to when we found out I was pregnant with Daniel.

In November 2003 we found out that Patrick's brother, Jeff had brain cancer. We knew at the diagnosis that the cancer would take his life. We just didn't know if it would be in four months or four years. A month later we found out I was going to have a baby. Everyone labeled Daniel as a Hope Baby -- a joy in the midst of sorrow. Sadly, Jeff passed away just two months after Daniel was born. The first time Patrick's parents met Daniel was at Jeff's funeral. I believe that holding Daniel gave them some small comfort during their time of tremendous loss. Although, now that I have children, I don't know how anything could comfort after the loss of your child.

So... I think when I found out I was pregnant shortly after finding out my dad had cancer... I thought my dad was going to die. My mom's first words when I told her were, "What a blessing during this difficult time." I wanted to scream, "NO, this kid is NOT going to be a blessing! Everything is going to be fine and he is not going to be the source of comfort to all." Just selfish thinking...

But as the months have gone on and my belly has grown and I have felt the kicks inside of me, my heart has softened. God in his goodness has healed my father through the wisdom of his doctors. About three weeks ago I realized that I am deeply in love with my child. I am so excited to have him, and not just to get the pregnancy over with. But truly excited to meet him. So that is why I say God is good -- because he has softened my heart, made me see that his timing is perfect in all things and that new life is ultimately what God is about! New life through babies. New life through His redemptive grace!

Catching My Breath

I've been catching my breath a lot these days. Sometimes, it's because I've walked up one of the many stairs in our house and I seem to be carrying a "little" extra weight these days, have gotten a "little" out of shape and have a baby crammed into my lungs.

But usually, it's because I just witnessed a death defying leap from the top of the couch, 50 pounds of combined weight between Daniel and Caleb crashing into one another, a head (yes, still attached to the body) swinging through the air and narrowly missing the corner of our brick, fireplace hearth. Patrick is occasionally the facilitator of these stunts... I just catch my breath and remember this is my life with boys!

This morning I caught Daniel and Caleb sitting in Patrick's grandmother's rickety, old chair, rocking back and forth until they almost launched toward the moon. They'd fall off and climb right back on again. I caught my breath as once again there was no damage. Well, there was probably damage to the chair and to the wall, but the boys seemed to have survived it.

Here's a less-violent version of the boys playing on the chair.

The E-Zone

We had a great speaker at my MOPS group yesterday. His name is Gregory Bloom and he has written a book on how to cure your children from the need to be constantly entertained. A couple years ago he and his wife realized that their four children were spending too much time in front to the TV, surfing the net, playing video games, texting on cell phones and in general, addicted to entertainment devices. He gave great, practical steps on how to limit the time our children spend in the E-zone and focus on creating a family identity that influences our children, rather than the enterainment industry around them.

However, I don't think our family is really being affected by the E-zone...

Just when you think it's not worth it...

I'd been having one of those weeks.

You fellow moms know what I'm talking about... The weeks when nothing you do as a mom seems to be right. You're back dealing with that same discipline issue you thought had been conquered last month! You wonder if you really are impacting your children. Or maybe the world would be better off you just went back to that career you left behind. You question if you are really making a difference. Wondering if you are raising children that will impact their world for the better.

As I usually do when I begin internalizing my life, I cleaned my kitchen. If you walk into my house and the kitchen is spotless, it's not a good sign...

Caleb was napping. Daniel was playing at his train table. I'm sure I'd just yelled at him and he was staying away! I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. Set it to run. Scrubbed the guards under my stove burners. Used my fingernails to scrape the gunk off the back of Caleb's highchair (don't ask what it was or how it got there!). Wiped off counters. Disinfected the trashcan. Swept and mopped the floor. Just as I was finishing, Daniel walked into the kitchen.

His eyes got wide and in a tone full of pure, innocent, glee said, "Oh, Mommy! Thank you for making the kitchen all clean!"

I burst into tears. Thank you God for sending my three-year-old boy to encourage my heart so. It is worth it and God is allowing me to impact these precious lives!

It Finally Happened...

Caleb clobbered Daniel.

I realize it's not an event to celebrate, but I knew it was coming and it was so shocking when it finally happened. Daniel is... let's say... less than gentle with Caleb. That's fine. He's a boy. They're brothers. It's bound to happen. We intervene when it gets malicious. But we have continually warned Daniel that one day Caleb is going to fight back -- so beware!

I happened upon a squabble over some sort of transportation vehicle -- a truck, train, bull dozer -- all of which are a source of competition in our home these days. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Daniel take the vehicle from Caleb. At this point, Caleb usually screams and looks to me for intervention. However, on this day he decided to take matters into his own hands. He gave Daniel a 21 pounder, mighty shove! And seemed quite pleased with himself.

Then of course Daniel shoved back. Caleb started to scream. Discipline for both insued. I had a whole other set of issues on hand. But deep down I thought, "Good for you, Caleb!"

What was that prayer about them being brothers who would lay their lives down for the other...

And actually I have seen an example of that already. An older kid (3 yrs?) shoved Caleb while we were playing at the McDonalds playplace. Daniel ran right over and shoved the older kid and gave him a tongue lashing for touching his little brother. Not that Daniel's actions were morally right (and I did deal with them), but it was sweet to see him stand up on Caleb's behalf.

Roomies!!

With about six weeks before Wilson Boy #3 arrives we decided it was time to get Daniel and Caleb used to sharing a room. But before we could do that, there was a little bit of work to be done. I used this same decor when we put Daniel in a "big boy room" before Caleb was born. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of putting the wall border within reach of two year olds. Within two weeks Daniel had peeled most it off. And in my laziness I let it stay that way for a year!

Before Caleb went into Daniel's room, I stripped all the old wall border off and painted the darker, bottom green color to a higher level on the wall. Then put up new border.

For several days leading up to the big move Patrick would ask Daniel what he thought about Caleb sleeping with him. His response, "No, YOU sleep with Caleb. Mommy sleep with ME." He is still negotitating - I'll trade you one Caleb for one Mommy...

We added some new wall hangings to match the decor.

I also made plaques with the boys' names and a corresponding Bible verse that were hung over their beds -- the verses are kind of a prayer of what we hope for each of the boys.

Daniel's plaque reads, "...people must fear and reverance the God of Daniel. He rescues and he saves; he perfoms signs and wonders in heaven and on the earth." Dan. 6:6&27

Caleb's plaque reads, "...my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly..." Num. 14:24

They are doing great as roomies! I thought I'd be hearing talking and fits of giggles at 5am, but so far that hasn't happened. I do hear a lot more jabber in the morning when they wake up. Daniel tells me that they are playing "fall down" in their beds. Our hope and prayer is that all our boys grow up to love each other as brothers who would lay down their lives for the other.

Finally Caught Up ~ January & Febuary

Following are some random pictures from January and Febuary. Actually, I'm not sure there are any pictures from Febuary...

One of January's biggest highlights was Caleb's first steps (I realize this isn't a pictue of Caleb walking, but it's a cute picture of him and Daddy). Daniel took his first steps about a week before his first birthday. So when Caleb still wasn't walking at fourteen and a half months, we didn't think it would ever happen. However, there is one thing we have learned about Caleb. Caleb doesn't do something unless Caleb wants to do that something. We figured he could walk. He just didn't want to. And then one night as Patrick and I were sitting on the couch we saw Caleb let go of the couch on one side of the room and walk completely across to the couch on the opposite side. We had never seen him take a step and his first time was 8-9 steps in a row! Little Stinker!! Of course, we all clapped and cheared and Daniel kept urging his little brother to take some more steps. Despite basking in the glory of his accomplishment, we did not see Caleb take another step for a week! Now, two months later, he doesn't walk anywhere. He runs!

Another highlight of January and Febuary was taking our annual ski trip. This year we were joined by Howard, Dan, Ralph, Dan and Angel Farran and the Burch Family. And our friends Monica and Jimmy from Colorado Springs joined us for a day. Of course, I didn't ski, but we were staying in a huge, beautiful cabin and I didn't feel like I had to "keep house" so I enjoyed just sitting around reading and doing Sudoku without feeling guilty that I didn't have a load of laundry going.

The huge, beautiful cabin we stayed in. We found it using Vacation Rentals By Owner (http://www.vrbo.com/). By waiting until the "last minute" we were able to negotiate a great rate.

Daniel's new best friend, Evan. They were inseparable and invented many new games with the pool and fuzeball tables. And another game, which involved dropping various objects from the third floor into the stairwell.